Following on from a discussion last week on the pitfalls of email communication & a few videos posted about NVC (non-verbal communication) & the spoken word, I've been thinking about communication in general & how to be an effective communicator.
The impact of miscommunication can be problematic & sometimes damaging for both personal & working relationships.
What we need to understand and consider is how we communicate, are we using the right channel, are we being clear and crucially we need to consider the receiver's own perceptions and filters which can distort the message. Everyone processes things in different ways based on their own beliefs, experiences & interpretations so unless the message is crystal clear confusion can easily arise.
I came across a great article by Mike Clayton about How to Speak so People Listen, which explores the art of communication - https://www.trainingjournal.com/articles/feature/how-speak-so-people-listen
What is the most effective way to communicate? Is there one? Or is it more about understanding your audience & adapting your approach to cater for this, whilst conveying your message simply & clearly?
Jill
Replies
Hello! I agree with the 'no phones at the table' idea - we slipped with this the other day, my two children were on their tablets, my husband was buying something using his phone and I, horror of horrors, was looking at my running club on Facebook! I read about a great idea the other day of using a toast rack to slot electronic devices in at the dinner table so there is a 'handing over' process which is fun! This could work with all adults too!
I think being present in this day and age is challenging, there are so many distractions and being busy is the 'norm'. Ruby Wax commented on this during yesterday's Jeremy Vines programme, although I don't subscribe to all her views! Certainly switching off laptops and phones etc is essential to really engage with someone.
I have found this website really useful and they have some great blogs on the themes of mindfulness Headspace - you can sign up for 10 free sessions, I made it to session 5 then it got put on hold so I need to practice what I preach! ;-)
I think people like to talk AT rather than WITH and this is a fundamental breakdown in communication.
Julie Drybrough wrote a great blog that explores this a little more and is an interesting read and worth reflecting on.
The Power of Conversation
Interesting article Mike, thanks for sharing. I agree with what Julie says far too often we ask how someone is without really waiting or caring what the answer is. We need to stop and engage in meaningful conversation.
Well it is a case of 'being present'......I listened to (my hero) Simon Sinek recently at the Benchmark for Business seminar and he talked about truly engaging with people and 'being present'
Examples he gave were putting your phone away (not on your desk or upside down) but away in a desk and if you're working on a laptop close the screen. Either way his point was that if you truly want to engage then you should have no distractions and you should put your energy and focus in to that conversation and LISTEN....
Simple yet effective - he also flipped it from the person you are talking to and how these small actions help them understand that THEY are the most important thing at that moment - it's powerful!
"Being present" is a really good way to explain it :) Simple yet effective is the way forward!
My family and I have a 'no phones at the dinner table' rule and lots of my friends are beginning to get on board with it when we get together as it's really distracting and off-putting trying to have a conversation with someone who is engrossed with their phone & only half listening to what you're saying...
Hi both,
Being present is really hard. I work with this as a definition of how present I want to be:
'Paying attention in a particular way, in the moment, as if my life depended on it, without judgement'. It comes from a man called Jon Kabat-Zinn who does a lot of work in and around Mindfulness. It is amazing what you can see and hear when you do that. I'd recommend a book called 'time to think' or 'more time to think' by Nancy Kline, brilliant books on techniques to talk and think really well.
Hope that helps
Phil